No More Dating DJs - Epic Track!
“No More Dating DJs” (Nirobi Remix)
music by Nick Holder - spoken word by Jemini
no more dating djs, mcs, producers, hiphop critics, radio hosts, etc..
wanted: a girl to date a dj
must have strong arms for heavy lifting
includes crates,
and my ego.. hm
looks not important to me
you will never look as good as the girls on my
bootlegs
whitelables
and cd covers
but please try not to look uglier than any of my dj buddies’ girlfriends.
i really hate that.
DONT TOUCH MY EQUIPMENT.
i like music, long walks on any street that sells used records, music, being a hater, music, and i do like music.
must be able to watch several hours of DMC world championship video footage.
P.S. if youve never heard of dj rectangle, please do not apply.
im done with dating rappers, mcs, djs…
im lookin for nice Roger’s cable guy who thinks a Technic is a way to make love to me!
i was in love with your potential.
i thought your hands were speaking to me.
remember when we met and you were on that Jungle Brothers back-to-Africa-trip?
you got me to throw away my rope chain, even took the chemicals out my hair, you said you were my man, and we would be a strong black unit for change.
…but yo’ mama’s basement was too small to house the revolution.
grown ass man… but why move out and get a job?
you said you about to make some cheddah off all this rappin and producin’… wait till you play me the “new shhiiat”…?
you said the sexiest thing about me, besides my fat ass, was the way i made you think.
and me, and my fat ass, was tickled pink.
but now it seems like mic chords are the only thing you tickle.
im tired of eating invisible scratch pickles.
i stopped buying your mixed tapes the day you said girls cant dj cuz their inner ear is smaller and it throws off their mixes.
f**k a guest list!
after three years, im more than just a guest.
but i guess you just aint know…
i stopped analyzing your lyrics when you stopped listening to my radio show.
and dont eva get it twisted - im tellin you!
the worst groupies have dicks.
every guy i know can tell a story about a hoe and some rap star,
“i aint hatin, its the truth dawg! i witnessed it! i swear!”
now you’re a man -
at least for the groupie, she’s about to get sex.
you already passed your tape to the rapper,
he’s about to beat the face now,
…why are you still there?
and these groupie hoes, with their five minute hugs,
i dont watch no face, but these girls take pleasure in provoking me.
and i cant say s**t, i’ve got to retaliate in silence, cuz the laniard from your backstage pass keeps on choking me.
and no. i dont want to hang out with the other dj girlfriends.
they’re adapters!
automatic after-performance clappers!
Preperation H for swollen ego asshole rappers!
they adapt to any climate
givin daps at any time it seems appropriate.
you take these girls for joke - skin [..?..] like the two’v yall gon live happy eva after
they study dinosaurs - we call em dinowhores!
why?
cuz that’s what you call the girls who flock to the clubs on a saturday night to do what you can to catch a Toronto Raptor. she’s an adapter!
you can take your yellow page
and dubplate makin body tricks,
but personally, i’ll pass.
used to give a f**k bout turntablism, but now, you can basically galloping scratch.. my ass!!!
i KNOW i sound aplified!
you can tell your friends its just hate.
remember when you broke my face plate?
nigga, the BEST mixer you eva had was a Gemini!
and if i hear one more dj cuttin the hell out’ve Peter Piper - THATS YO ASSSS!!
not-bad-meanin-bad-but-bad-meanin-good-not-bad-meanin-bad-not-bad, not bad not bad….. but sometimes we just want to hear the tuuuuuuuuuuune bitches!!
and its not the dj, its me for thinkin he’s listenin to what he play, and the messages he’s puttin in the universe.
but when really i think about it, whatchyoo say aint who you are.
i mean, Luther still singin bout girls…
and i mean, Al Green was just a love machine who sang love and happiness, while offstage he brutally dislocated his wife’s shoulder and fractured both her wrists… she probably plays his 45’s gingerly with broken arms, listening to him sing tender love songs, and thinks, “who the HELL is this?!”
so ladies, the fault also lies in us
if we mistake talent for tenderness
a beat is not a love song.
a guestlist is not a love letter.
but until im sure ive learned the difference…
i just wont date djs, mcs, producers, hiphop critics, radio hosts, etc…
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I know it’s been long ass time that I haven’t posted anything in tumblr, so I’m gonna make it up to you guys by posting this funny video of Drake on SNL. It’s freakin HILARIOUS!
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R.I.P.
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